012311 Put yourself out there

Risk is defined in the dictionary as possibility. A yes or a no. Success or failure. Winning or losing.
Unfortunately, risking is one thing I’m not entirely good at.. Well, in the matters of the heart that is. By that I mean I’m not a risk taker when it comes to love. And since i admitted it now, you can add that to the list of the things that i suck at.
But when it comes to love, luck is very picky . Not everyone gets their “happily ever after” ending. Though some might get it and will just last for..<thinking> hmmm.. well, a week perhaps? Hahaha. Sorry but i think that is just plain mean but somehow true. There are some “happily ever after but only for a day” moments in someone’s life. Right? I am I right? Let me know please.
I said that because we might be partying out then making this eye contact with a random stranger that makes majority of  the checks from your standards. Then comes a whirlwind of flirting, dancing and touching  that might end up with sex for the night. But as a whirlwind is, it comes and goes. And it might be literally “come and go” thing <wink>.  There’s nothing wrong about that believe me. I would like to experience that like really soon too.
After much deliberation as to why I can’t put myself out there as in FAR OUT THERE is because I am still not completely FREE. Those who know me personally might know by what I mean about that statement. For the rest of you, i’ll leave you to your imaginations plus an apology for not sharing it <puppy dog eyes>. I know who I am really but i guess i’m just not that comfortable still in my own skin. I have always wanted to be free. Another thing that hinders me is the stories of break ups, of cheaters, of pain. I guess i’m a pessimist to when it comes to love an always neglect to look at the positive side of love: of it conquering all, of it changing lives, of it starting a life. There’s also the thinking that I don’t need it. Weird right? Me saying I don’t need love is like equivalent to me saying I don’t need meat. If we put it that way, i can say that love is meat. And I am a vegetarian, hypothetically speaking. Sometimes i think that, I survived with the love from friends and family for 24 years in the running and still turn out to be ok. But honestly, surviving with just love from friends and family is like being one of the Cullens in Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight Saga: Drinking animal blood to quench the thirst but never really satisfied. And I want to be satisfied.
Well now you know the things that hold be back. Personally identifying these reasons, made me realize that I am still not sucked into the eternal vortex of single blessedness and there is still and always hope for me. I just need to learn to take risks and put myself out there. Maybe one of these days, I might just change my status from single to “it’s really complicated”! HAHAHAH😛

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